I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
