the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
