i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
