im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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