Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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