I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
