I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
