I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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