he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
