New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
