im drinking this country out of the recession.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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