I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
