So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
