dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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