i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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