how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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