So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
