capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
