I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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