You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
