You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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