I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
