Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
