and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
