Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
