Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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