were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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