I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
