He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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