I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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