hell yes lets make some ravioli
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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