Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
babies were throwing up all over the place
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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