so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
