She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize