i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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