woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
