Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I have fence marks all over my body
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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