Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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