Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
