He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
