Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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