Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just pynch a tree in the face
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
