my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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