East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
