So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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