I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
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I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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