I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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