? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
