so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My ass is underappreciated
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
