Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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