She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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