i just wanna soil my oats bro
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
