He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
