it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
How external is "for external use only"?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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