I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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