Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
